Life, Once Again!

“Why do you do acting?” Gaeul asked as she drank the cooled omija tea.

She had been drinking it ever since she heard a while ago that it was good for her throat.

“Me? Why do you ask so suddenly?”

Heewon, who was lying down in the practice room with his limbs stretched out, raised his head just a little.

“I was just curious.
I was wondering what made someone who can’t be bothered with anything in life make the decision to become an actor and even take lessons like these.”

“You’re curious about something rather meaningless.
Anyway hey, is that tasty?”

“I’ll give you a sip, so tell me.”

She poured some of the omija tea into a paper cup and handed it to him.
Heewon, who was quite a glutton, gulped it down as soon as he received it.

“It’s sour and bitter too.
Why do you drink this stuff?”

“If you focus, you can taste something sweet, too.
It’s called ‘omija’ because there are five flavors[1].
Also, apparently, it’s good for your throat.”

“Not my cup of tea though.”

Heewon put down the cup down in front of him.

“You drank it, so tell me.
Why do you do acting?”

“I can ask you the same thing.
Why do you do acting?”

“I asked you first.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to answer you first.”

“What about the omija tea then?”

Heewon opened his mouth wide and put his finger inside.
Gaeul sighed.

“Geez, I can’t win against you, can I?”

“Don’t think about useless stuff and just get some rest.
You’ve been working hard throughout the whole class, so you should get some rest when you can.
If you keep talking about acting even during breaks, your brain will burst, you know?”

“I don’t care since I love acting.”

Gaeul sat down on a chair, placed her elbows on her knees, and rested her head on her hands.
The reason for acting – she looked at Heewon, who was rolling down on the ground, before speaking,

“I used to go to plays a lot with my father.”

“What the heck are you talking about so suddenly?”

“We just talked about it a few seconds ago yet you forgot already?”

“Oh, the reason for acting?”

“You leave your concentration at home, don’t you?”

“I’d love to do that.
If possible, I’d like to leave my mind at home too.
Then I’ll be able to rest at home.
Man, that sounds so good.”

“I’m sure sloths do more activity than you.”

Heewon rolled over to the wall while covering his ears as though he didn’t want to listen.
Gaeul looked at him and spoke in a small voice,

“I loved the plays I used to watch with my dad.
The atmosphere in Daehak-ro was good too.
Actually, I just liked going out somewhere with my dad when I was young.
With one hand, I’ll hold my dad’s hand, and with the other hand, I’ll be holding cotton candy.
When I walked around with those two in hand, I felt like I was flying.”

They were memories from when she was very young, but she could still picture them.
The memories of those times were unforgettable no matter how old she got.

“I can still remember the play I saw for the first time.
It was a play aimed at children, Peter Pan.
The actor wearing the Peter Pan outfit kept running around the audience seats.
He high-fived me too.
I thought he was so cool.
It was the same when I watched other plays as well.
The actors looked so cool, and I wanted to be on the same stage as them.
I think it was probably back then that I started writing ‘actor’ as my dream; from all the way back in elementary school.”

“Memories with your father, huh.”

“Of course, right now, I just like acting itself.
It’s kinda curious that I can express something like those actors I saw back then as well.
Also, I have an objective too.”

“An objective?”

“To be in the same work as a certain someone.”

Gaeul stopped talking and stared at Heewon quietly.
Heewon made a sour expression.

“Do I have to say it too?”

“We still have 10 minutes left of break.
There’s nothing else to do either.”

“I’d be happy to spend that time lying down.”

“Then you can stay still for all I care.
I’ll blab on by myself.
Maybe I’ll get better at talking to myself if I keep doing it,” Gaeul said with a smile.

Heewon, who was lying down and hugging his knees like a pillbug, slowly sat up.

“Well, I don’t have something grand like that.
I never watched plays when I was young either.
In the first place, my environment didn’t allow such a thing.”

“You’ve never watched plays?”

“I think there are more people who did not watch plays when they were young than the ones who did.”

“Then what made you like acting?”

“There weren’t any big events.
I entered high school, and I was told that joining a school club was mandatory.
When I asked my friends from middle school, they said that it was up to them whether they joined one or not, so it turned out to be mandatory for my school.
Having no choice, I had to choose one, but going around outside needed money and time, so I passed on those, and when I looked at the ones that happened inside the school, there were the literature club, origami club, and the English-Speaking club.
I’m not that good with moonrunes, so I put aside the literature club and the English club.
I mean, isn’t it horrific to think about studying on a Saturday?”

“That sounds just like you.”

Heewon scratched his head.

“That’s why I tried to join the origami club, but who would’ve known that it was a club that disbanded due to lack of members, and they forgot to erase it from the print? I was in a fix.
No matter where I looked, there wasn’t a club that I wanted to join.
I don’t even want to imagine doing something athletic, and if club activities needed money, I would hate that even more than doing something athletic.”

“But club activities don’t need that much money, do they?” Gaeul asked.

As most clubs were light-hearted clubs that happened after school, unless it was something that the school was famous for, there wouldn’t be a lot of funding.
Even if it did require a lot of money, most schools would fund those the majority of the time.
Myunghwa High was famous for its acting club, and they needed a lot of money for it due to things like inviting instructors and getting materials to make props and sets.
Luckily, the school funded most of it and there was practically no burden on the members.

“When I thought about living expenses, even that was too much.
I do like watching movies, but how much would it add up to if I watched one movie every single week? The same goes for going to PC bangs too.
I wanted to choose something that didn’t need money, which limited my range of options.”

Living expenses.
Gaeul thought that he was talking about his pocket money.

“So? How did you end up joining the acting club?”

“A friend of mine from the same class asked me if I wanted to join.
That’s why I asked – don’t you need a lot of money for it? He told me no, so I said okay.
Actually, he bought me a lot of things since the beginning of the semester.”

“That’s how you joined the acting club? Without thinking?”

“Without thinking? I told you – I considered everything.
But I let my guard down at the last moment, you know? I was so hung up on the fact that I didn’t need money for it, and I forgot about how much time it needed.
It was too late by the time I put my name on the list.
I had to stay behind every single day after school to practice.
It was practically hell.”

“I’m surprised you’re still acting.
It’s not like you’re doing it for fun either.”

Heewon hesitated a little before speaking,

“It’s not that I hate it.
But it doesn’t mean I love it to death either.
It’s just somewhat endurable? I just do it because I can take it.”

“Isn’t acting hard if you think of it like that? You have no motivation, no dream, nor an objective.
In the first place, you don’t want to do it either.”

“Well, definitely, I don’t have any of those in me.”

Heewon yawned.
Gaeul quietly looked at him.
What was the motivation that moved him? What brought this lazy guy all the way here? She was suddenly reminded of the talent he had.
If that was given to someone other than him, if someone who desperately wanted to become an actor had Heewon’s talent, she thought that that person would be more than glad to sweat in order to train themself.

She met eyes with Heewon, who was rubbing his eyes after yawning.

“Well, there’s no reason I should find my motivation within myself,” Heewon said unwillingly.

His sour expression became thicker.

“It’s because it’s what Haewon wants.
He wants me to act.”

“Haewon?”

Heewon nodded as he stood up.
He started walking while looking at the floor.

“Even when I think about it, I’m a done cause.
I have nothing I’m good at, I’m lazy by nature, and even if I want to concentrate on something, my heart and body will demotivate themselves before I even start.
It’s Haewon who looked after me during those times.
I’m not saying that as a figure of expression; he actually does look after me from A to Z.
Sometimes, I even have this thought – maybe it’s because I, the older brother, am such an irresponsible person that the little brother matured too early.
I sometimes think that if I was someone who fulfilled my job properly, maybe Haewon would focus on the things he wants and sometimes complain to me about things.”

“Don’t you think you’re overthinking? Even without Haewon, your parents will-”

“They aren’t here.
Mom and dad – I’ve never seen such people.”

Heewon interrupted midway.
Gaeul didn’t understand what he just said for a moment and when she did realize, she blocked her mouth as though to lock her mouth up.

“I thought I got used to expressions like that, but it makes me question every single time.
I mean, not having parents isn’t something that special, is it? There are loads of people who don’t have parents.”

Heewon scratched his head as though he didn’t want to say it.
Gaeul couldn't say anything.
At the same time, she realized that when he said ‘living expenses’ it really did mean money that was crucial for living everyday life.

“Then do you two live by yourselves?”

“Ever since we entered high school, yeah.
There is someone who supports us and thanks to him, we were able to get a semi-basement room.”

“Was it maybe an accident that….”

“No, we just didn’t have any.
They don’t exist even in all of my memories.
Apparently, my surname was originally Kim.
There was my name on the cardboard box that I was in or something.
When I became mature enough, I heard that from the director[2] and changed it.
The director was wise and never registered my name legally.
I might be insensitive to things like that, but using the surname of those that abandoned me is, well, you know.”

Heewon, who walked around the practice room, leaned against one wall and sat down.
Gaeul felt her throat go dry.
She grew a guilty conscience and felt sorry.

“Lee is the director’s surname.
Also, Haewon doesn’t know his parents’ faces either.
He was abandoned around the same time as me.
I kept hanging around him because I quite liked him since we were young.
Haewon followed me around too.
Well, from some time onwards, it was him instead of me who took care of the other.”

“It must have been h…no.
Forget I said anything.”

Gaeul tried to console him but decided not to do so.
She felt like it would be too deceitful to sound like she understood what he was going through.
Heewon also glanced at her and nodded.

“You know? I never wished for anything much.
I used to think this when I was young – just how useless was I to be abandoned in the streets? I mean, I would’ve died if things went wrong.
I was a toddler after all.
When I thought about that, trying hard seemed so useless.
I mean, what good is trying hard? I’m a useless guy anyway.
But Haewon, he’s different.
He always looks ahead of him.
When I am down, he always comes to me, pulls me up, and empowers me.
That’s why I am planning to do whatever it takes if Haewon wants me to.
He sees what my blurry eyes cannot.
He is smart, hardworking, polite, and… anyhow amazing.
Unlike me, that is.”

Heewon lay on the ground.

“Why do I act when I have no interest in it at all? Because Haewon told me that I can be good at it.
Because he told me I can earn money with it.
That’s why I’m doing it.
There’s only one thing I want as an actor.
I want to earn a lot of money to build a building for the director and pay back all the graces that our supporter has done for us.
Haewon is smart, so he can probably become a doctor or a prosecutor or something like that.
I’m sure of it.”

Heewon smiled in satisfaction.
Gaeul thought about what she was thinking for a long time before saying one thing,

“I’m sure things will go well.”

“Of course.
Everything will go well.
If Haewon said it’s going to work, it will work.
Also, why don’t you put away that weird face of yours? You’re the one who asked me about all this, so you can’t be the one crying.”

“Sorry, I’ve been misunderstanding you this whole time.”

“No, you haven’t.
I really am a good-for-nothing.”

Heewon yawned and stretched his arms out before raising his head.
At that moment, the door to the practice room opened and Gyeonmi came back.

“Well then, you got your rest, so let’s get back to it, shall we?”

“Teacher, I think I have a stomach ache and need to go home.”

“Lee Heewon, your nonsense is increasing by the day.
Should I prick your finger if your stomach hurts[3]?”

“N-no, I think I’m fine now.”

Seeing Heewon act like usual, Gaeul realized that he was actually quite a strong boy on the inside, unlike what he looked on the outside.

“Gaeul, don’t daze out and stand up.
We’re going to start again from act two,” Gyeonmi said with a clap.

[1] The ‘o-mi’ in Omija literally translates to ‘five-flavor’.

[2] Of the orphanage

[3] In the old days, parents usually pricked their children’s fingers (usually thumb) with a needle to calm an upset stomach.
Acupuncture, apparently.
I’m not sure if this practice is still ongoing, but I do remember having that done to me when I was little.